He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hippo gnu deer
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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