Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
