those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
