Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
