the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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