y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just want to make out with him forever
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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