I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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