When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
