There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
