just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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