a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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