Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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