i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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