I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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