apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
that is very illegal...i love you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
