"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
