i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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