You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
