It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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