Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Come share oat with me in your robe
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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