Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
