Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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