I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
