Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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