i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
