just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
