Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
