I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
