I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
