dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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