If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
