so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
