He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
