Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He passed out mid-signature
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
