:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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