did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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