i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
