Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm too high and old for this...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
