WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
