I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
