I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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