Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
