You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
