A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
