I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
