her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
