from now on my penis is your penis
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
