You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
