We need to rekindle our bromance
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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