direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
