my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
