I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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