when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
