It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
